"The Good Stuff"

A month or so ago, we moved back to America.  Since then, I’ve been very busy trying to build a home for our children, help them navigate American culture (we have one daughter that was born in Switzerland, one that lived there since she was 2, and one daughter who has spent half her life in Europe- America feels foreign to them).  During my down time, I’ve been trying to organize my thoughts.  I’ve been flipping through my travel notebooks, and I had a short story that reminded me about my drive to spread what I have lovingly referred to since the beginning of my blog, as “the good stuff”.

When I was last in Florence, I was walking through the Ognissanti from Santa Maria Novella.  A man was walking behind me, whistling.  For whatever reason, he startled me.  I stepped to the side of the sidewalk, as I often do when I get nervous, or a feel someone too close to me.  As I did this, the man apologized for frightening me.  It’s a moment I’ll never forget.

I feel like we live in a time where we highlight every awful thing.  We fail to recognize the positive moments.  We don’t publicize shows of respect or acts of kindness.  How is this to change if we don’t share our positive stories - both big and seemingly small?  How will people learn that the way they behave matters?  If the only ones getting press are people that hurt or emotionally wound others, how will good ever truly prevail?

Sure, having information about the scary things in the world arms us to protect ourselves, but at what point is it too much?  At what point will we recognize if we focus more on the positive, if we share more of “the good stuff”, that positive influence will spread, and I truly believe, create change.

This is a call to action for all of you out there.  If you see something positive, please share it.  If you want to share it on my blog, reach out!  I want to share the amazing things people are doing- big, small, and creative.  I have personally experienced more than once how an act of compassion or kindness that feels small to you, often has a big impact on others, and those around them.  Share your stories! #thegoodstuff

Celebrating Yourself

It’s funny how you can hate a day.  Since I was five, I’ve hated my birthday.  I always secretly wanted it to turn out well, but every time I held out hope, something traumatic or disastrous would happen.  It wasn’t until I met my husband that I allowed anyone to really celebrate my birthday- and even he was stunned to see how the day always ended in calamity.

That said, I’ve always made a big fuss over the birthdays of the people I love- especially my husband and our kids.  On each of our girls’ birthdays, I’m reminded of the days they were born.  Those are the most deeply meaningful moments of my life.

Our girls get the royal treatment for their birthday week (yes, I’m a crazy mommy who puts balloons in the hallway and streamers on their doors).  So, when our eldest became old enough to understand when my birthday is, she wanted to celebrate me the way that I celebrate her and her sisters.  She wanted to understand why it’s okay to celebrate daddy, our close family friends, and our family, but not me.  It was kind of a rude awakening that I was celebrating the lives of the people I love, but I wasn’t honoring their desire to celebrate me.

We all mean something to someone.  Our actions and inactions affect the people around us.  Life is worth celebrating!  It’s worth recognizing that the world would not be what it is without you in it.  I’ve begun to look at my birthday as in a day that in the past, hurt and scarred me in a lot of ways, but without those scars and traumas, I wouldn’t be the person that I am today.  I may not have had such a keen desire to share positivity and acts of kindness, had I not experienced heartbreak.  I wouldn’t be so focused on raising builders and not breakers, if I hadn’t been broken down. 

So, here’s some homework.  Whether it’s your birthday or not, take a moment to be grateful for your life.  Celebrate that you have the ability to show love and be loved.  In a world that’s hungry for love, positivity, encouragement and most of all, hope, I think the best thing we can do is celebrate life.  Enjoy life.  Be Kind.  Build up the people around you, and recognize that a life well lived, and being your best, but forgiving yourself when you’re at your worst, is one of the best gifts you can every give yourself, and the people around you. 

I was once told that you can change someone’s life by merely looking at it.  If that is true, let’s be mindful about how we’re looking.

Mastering Self-Doubt

“Self-doubt robs you of your potential.”  About a year ago, our eldest daughter asked me what I dreamt of doing as a girl.  When I thought about it, all of my girlish hopes ran through my mind…pediatrician (my mathematical abilities and self-doubt killed that one), fashion designer (again, confidence was not my strong suit), superhero (okay, that one may have been a reach), the list goes on.

When I got pregnant with our first baby, I read every pregnancy and parenting book out there.  I’m really not kidding.  I read about the militant moms, the crunchy moms, the moms that stopped showering, doctors who are moms, fashionistas who are moms, you name it, I read it.  My takeaway was this:  No one knows what the hell they’re doing.  No one.  And I’m fairly sure we should all start saving for therapy the moment we pee on the stick, because frankly, no matter how amazing or present of a parent you are, you’re going to mess these humans up.  Because, hold on to your bootstraps…you’re human.

So how does this relate to self-doubt?  Here’s how.  If you doubt yourself, if you listen to that horrible, whiny, vicious bitch in your mind, I can guarantee you that you will accomplish nothing.  I mean it.  Nothing.

Chew on that.

Now look in the mirror.  What’s your first instinct?  Did you pick yourself apart, or did you identify the good? 

Last Saturday, our eight-year old attended a birthday party and told me there was a girl there who wouldn’t eat a donut because she didn’t want to be fat.  I told Laela that I personally believe that if you say unkind things about your body, your body can hear you, and you should treat yourself with kindness.  Do you eat a hundred donuts?  No.  But it’s equally unhealthy to tell yourself that donuts are the devil.  Extremism and negative self-talk are the enemy here.

None of us are perfect.  Maybe you have a slightly big nose, maybe your ears stick out.  Maybe you’re amazing at math, but can barely spell your name.  You can choose to focus on those things you consider shortcomings, you can dwell on the things that you’re not so great at, or you can channel that focus into positive self-talk.  You may surprise yourself by how much you can accomplish by believing in yourself.

The moment we had our first child, I realized that she is watching me.  She is watching how I speak to myself, how I speak about myself, and how I treat myself.  Being a positive role model isn’t just about how we treat others or what we do - it’s about showing kindness to ourselves.  I hear myself in our children on a daily basis (sometimes this is hilarious, sometimes terrifying). 

I was so awful to myself for so many years.  I took every negative thing that was said to me, and I held it inside as if my heart were a safe for all those horrible things.  One day, I decided that I wasn’t going to hear that inner critic anymore.  It’s taken almost ten years, and removing negative, detrimental people from my life, but I feel good about my choices and I learn from my mistakes.  I’m (usually) kind to myself.

Being kind to yourself is just as important as eating healthy and exercising regularly.  It enables you to reach your true potential (which if you allow yourself, may surprise you).  Be kind.  Do your best.  Work hard.  Dive into life without fear of failure, because I’m telling you, even the worst failures can be so freeing and so awesome.

This is our middle babe, Coco. She refused to be anything but Superhero Princess Coco for the last two Halloweens.