“Self-doubt robs you of your potential.” About a year ago, our eldest daughter asked me what I dreamt of doing as a girl. When I thought about it, all of my girlish hopes ran through my mind…pediatrician (my mathematical abilities and self-doubt killed that one), fashion designer (again, confidence was not my strong suit), superhero (okay, that one may have been a reach), the list goes on.
When I got pregnant with our first baby, I read every pregnancy and parenting book out there. I’m really not kidding. I read about the militant moms, the crunchy moms, the moms that stopped showering, doctors who are moms, fashionistas who are moms, you name it, I read it. My takeaway was this: No one knows what the hell they’re doing. No one. And I’m fairly sure we should all start saving for therapy the moment we pee on the stick, because frankly, no matter how amazing or present of a parent you are, you’re going to mess these humans up. Because, hold on to your bootstraps…you’re human.
So how does this relate to self-doubt? Here’s how. If you doubt yourself, if you listen to that horrible, whiny, vicious bitch in your mind, I can guarantee you that you will accomplish nothing. I mean it. Nothing.
Chew on that.
Now look in the mirror. What’s your first instinct? Did you pick yourself apart, or did you identify the good?
Last Saturday, our eight-year old attended a birthday party and told me there was a girl there who wouldn’t eat a donut because she didn’t want to be fat. I told Laela that I personally believe that if you say unkind things about your body, your body can hear you, and you should treat yourself with kindness. Do you eat a hundred donuts? No. But it’s equally unhealthy to tell yourself that donuts are the devil. Extremism and negative self-talk are the enemy here.
None of us are perfect. Maybe you have a slightly big nose, maybe your ears stick out. Maybe you’re amazing at math, but can barely spell your name. You can choose to focus on those things you consider shortcomings, you can dwell on the things that you’re not so great at, or you can channel that focus into positive self-talk. You may surprise yourself by how much you can accomplish by believing in yourself.
The moment we had our first child, I realized that she is watching me. She is watching how I speak to myself, how I speak about myself, and how I treat myself. Being a positive role model isn’t just about how we treat others or what we do - it’s about showing kindness to ourselves. I hear myself in our children on a daily basis (sometimes this is hilarious, sometimes terrifying).
I was so awful to myself for so many years. I took every negative thing that was said to me, and I held it inside as if my heart were a safe for all those horrible things. One day, I decided that I wasn’t going to hear that inner critic anymore. It’s taken almost ten years, and removing negative, detrimental people from my life, but I feel good about my choices and I learn from my mistakes. I’m (usually) kind to myself.
Being kind to yourself is just as important as eating healthy and exercising regularly. It enables you to reach your true potential (which if you allow yourself, may surprise you). Be kind. Do your best. Work hard. Dive into life without fear of failure, because I’m telling you, even the worst failures can be so freeing and so awesome.
This is our middle babe, Coco. She refused to be anything but Superhero Princess Coco for the last two Halloweens.