Lake Zurich- Even on the cloudiest days, still one of my happy places.

I’ve been in a difficult space the last few weeks. Moving back to the US has been like a rollercoaster of highs and lows. Yes, I read all the articles and books that told me I’d feel this way, and that it would be difficult, but it’s like explaining sex to a virgin. You can explain the science, but the feelings don’t make sense until it happens.

I’ve been carrying the weight of our simultaneously happy and sad girls. The holidays are coming and everyday someone is sad that they aren’t “home”. It’s left me a little fried, and frankly, with little room for me to write to process how I’m feeling.

I feel like there’s guilt that comes with taking time for yourself. Yes, we see things advertising self-care all over the place, and that we need to give ourselves grace. But, as much as I love my eye cream, it doesn’t feel the same as when I give myself the grace to take a moment to myself or accept failure. I’m a perfectionist. Failure is hard for me. I overthink and pick myself apart when I’m not careful. I think a lot of people do this and feel like it’s just something that we do- and it is, but I think it’s something to catch yourself on.

Sometimes we all need a healthy look in the mirror to recognize that we are okay. Being tired when life is tiring is okay. Feeling fried when you’re caring for little people, or old people, or a sick or emotionally draining partner is okay. Being human is okay. I’m too tired right now to pretend that everything is perfect. It’s not! But our kids are happy when they aren’t crying for “their Switzerland”. They’re thrilled to have their awesome schools, sweet friends, and American candy, bbq and soul food. And lord, they are thankful for good old American burgers.

Meanwhile, for myself, I’m looking forward to getting back in the groove of sharing regularly. This Sunday, I will FINALLY be sharing an amazing interview with my lovely, supportive friend, Susan Bradfield. She’s an Aussie photographer that I met in Zurich. She’s a wonderful photography teacher, landscape and travel photographer, and does beautiful family photos. I look forward to sharing her journey into photography, as well as some fabulous photography advice.

I have a lot of fun things in the works- styling your home and hearth for the holidays, yummy recipes, and interviews with some of my fabulous friends. Thanks for your patience during this crazy transition. I’m really excited for what’s to come.

Our 4 year-old took this when we were taking photos in Provence. It popped up on my phone today and was a gentle reminder to let things be.

Things have been busier than normal the last few weeks, and I realized that I needed to take a moment and reevaluate how I’ve been spending my time.

This week I made a commitment to get the things that were necessary (like my arch-nemesis, Laundry) done while the kids were at school, so that after school we could play and go on a few adventures. Maybe this sounds like an obvious change, but I feel as if I’ve been so busy going through the motions, fighting to stay on top of work and family, that I’ve been missing out on enjoying both.

Interestingly enough, a close friend sent me an article about self-care, and it resonated with me. Self-care isn’t about going out and buying some aromatherapy candle or doing a face mask- it’s about doing things that make your life feel balanced and calm. For me, that means having time to go to go on dates with my husband, attending Forest Club with our eldest daughter, baking with our middle daughter, and playing blocks with our baby. If I don’t get enough time with my husband and our girls- especially one-on-one, I don’t feel like I’m living my best life. If the laundry piles up and the dishes aren’t done, it makes me feel as if I’m suffocating. Yes, this sounds dramatic, but I may or may not have a small case of OCD, and a house in disarray affects my psyche.

Committing to scheduling the things I don’t enjoy doing so that I could do the things I love to do gave me such a sense of accomplishment and freedom. Yes, I see the irony in putting freedom and schedule in the same sentence. I think this is one of those times in life where I’ve had to recognize that I have too much going on in my life NOT to schedule the mundane tasks that make life function. Knowing that those things will be done, and have a time to be done, afford me the ability to be more fluid with my personal time. This results in me feeling more present with the people in my life, and able to fill my time with more fun.

I know that I won’t maintain the schedule every week. I know that I’ll overschedule myself sometimes (this is kind of a chronic occurrence for me- overbook myself, do all the things, burn out, recognize I need to slow down and chill out, rinse and repeat), but I’m hoping that I can make it a better habit to make more time for joy and less time for stress. It’s not romantic to schedule life, but sometimes you need to create a routine to feel balanced, and to have room to be spontaneous. After all, you can’t throw away and replace every load of laundry, rather than wash it. Especially not when you have three kids!! And you certainly can’t jump in the car and go on a spontaneous road trip if no one has anything to wear.

Check in on Monday for tips on visiting Seville!