It’s Super Bowl weekend, and since we live in Atlanta, it’s got us locked down in our neighborhood. Much to my husband’s chagrin, this means I’m contemplating projects.

I’ve been working on making our daughters’ rooms more functional spaces for them. We’re living in a rental, and while I can’t paint the walls and do some of the things I would do if it were our own home, I can do things to make it “ours”. As I’ve been doing this for the last few months, it’s occurred to me that there are so many of you out there, trying to style a place that probably feels less your style than you’d like, or more sterile than you’d prefer.

This is the first in a series of how to make a new place feel like home. I’ve done this 12 times, and with each move, I’ve gotten better and better at making a house a home, or a flat a home. This doesn’t just apply to rentals, but I just wanted to make sure you renters realize that these are all rental friendly fixes.

We’re going to start with shelving. We’ve had so many different kind of shelving situations. The infamous “cube” shelving from Ikea, standard bookshelves, traditional built-ins, and modern built ins.

People get really bent out of shape about styling shelves. Let’s stop for a minute. Take a breath. Think about things that you really love. You could Maria Kondo this and think of ‘what sparks joy’. Now, think of things that make sense paired together. We have items from our travels on our living room built ins, as well as coffee table books that we’ve collected from our favorite places. We also have some beautiful children’s books.

I think most people have some beautiful things that they’re proud to showcase, but have zero idea how to style it. First, let’s start with the rule of 3. I typically follow the rule of 3. This isn’t a hard rule, but it’s a healthy places to start. Take three things that make sense, for instance, pottery in the same color scheme, three books of similar theme, a row of 3 shelves such as the ones we have, where there are three strong, balanced items, similar in height. Trust your initial reaction. If things appear too busy, they are.

Height is a big thing for me. It’s okay to do things in a wave- low, high, low. Just make sure that when you look at your shelves- and I don’t mean stare and overthink them- they feel balanced. Look at the diagonal. Does it have a good flow?

Lastly, you may have a lot of beautiful things, I know we do! I like to put things on our IKEA cube shelves in our storage room where I can see, them, so I can easily change out what’s in our living room, or in other areas of the house. It keeps things fresh. I’ve been to so many homes where it looks like the shelves have been thrown up on, and if they were just willing to switch things out from time to time, rather than have 800 things out at a time, they’d really enjoy their home more.

Most of all, trust yourself. Whether you’re renting or not, it is your home. Make it yours! Don’t allow yourself to get frustrated, and just keep the shelves empty. Unpack, try some different configurations, and do what feels right.

For the last two weeks, my girls and I have been taking “Flat Stanley” on adventures in Zurich for our dear friend, Henry, in Georgia. His second-grade class was inspired to use the Flat Stanley books to connect with friends or family that live far away. You send Stanley in the post, and your friends/family send you some photos and mementos from the adventures he had.

This comes at an interesting time for our family, as we’ve been in flux about where we’re going to land after this school year. We’ve moved seven times with our kids, and our eldest has gone to four schools. Needless to say, we all feel like our hearts are a bit scattered across the planet. Sometimes that causes a disconnect between friends and family, so it means a lot when people like Henry, and his supermom, Christine, make the extra effort to reach out, visit, and send small reminders that we have another “home” with people that love us.

I’ve always struggled with the idea of “home”. I’ve moved over twenty times in my life, and I don’t ever remember feeling like a place was my home. I’m very, very rooted in people, the majority of which I’ve met throughout the last few moves, and they’ve become the family that I never realized I needed. This has taught our girls to nurture their friendships, no matter where they are. Call, write, send a message or photo. Charlotte, our middle bean, is obsessed with sending letters. The girls have a keen understanding that it takes effort to have and maintain relationships, and if I have anything positive to take away from their being uprooted so often over the last 8 years, it’s that they have a sense of just how important people are.

That said, let me leave you with some advice. I once had a professor fill a jar with marbles. He asked us if the jar was full. Half the class said, yes. The other half recognized that the jar still had space. He then poured in sand, as a reminder that there is a lot more space in that jar than you think.

My advice is this- make time. Everyone is busy. It’s our current human condition. If you love someone, and you want to maintain a relationship with them, during your busy life, make time. Put a reminder in your phone, or on your calendar if you kick it old school with a day-planner. Because at the end of the day, at the end of your life, the things that matter, are your people- the builders in your life and the builders OF your life.