“No.” How many times have you been asked a question, and simply said, “no” without an explanation. I’m going to take a risk here and say it’s been zero. Okay, maybe less than five.
As women, we’re taught that when we don’t want to, we should be apologetic for not being able to, or for not wanting to do something. Men, well, they get a free pass to just give a perfunct “no” to most things. It’s silly. If a man tells us that we’re emotional creatures, we get upset, but the reality is, we are. We give a reason for not doing things ALL THE TIME. Don’t even try to deny it! I know you, sister! It’s ALMOST as bad as the dreaded “I’m sorry.” that women throw out all the damn time in the view of being polite or politically correct. Listen to me, if someone steps on your foot, please stop being sorry. If you have a differing opinion, own it, and DO NOT BE SORRY. That’s going to be the end of that chat. Take it to heart, because I’ve said it enough to the women in my life, that I am simply out of evens.
Now, back to “no”. You want to be heard? You want someone to believe you when you say “no” to anything from an invitation to an advance? Own your “no”. Do NOT wiffle-waffle. You don’t have to give a reason for saying no. You don’t have to make an excuse. You do. not. have. to.
Being strong does not always have to do with being able to withstand emotional or physical pain. Oftentimes it’s about enabling yourself to create boundaries unapologetically. We are such a polite culture, but is it really polite to say yes to something you don’t really want to commit to? Is it polite to be anything other than your authentic self? No. So, say it with me, “NO.”
I learned this years ago when someone told me to own my time. It’s my time, and frankly, I never have enough of it. Over the years, I’ve gradually cut out things that I call “the lettuce” or filler in my life, because at the end of the day, there is no time for me to do things half way. I’m not being rude by saying no. I’m not doing it to hurt anyone, I’m doing it to save my sanity, and to be honest about what’s important to me- my husband, our children, and the people that I’m close to. I refuse to be sorry for making time for things that matter, and -for the most part- saying NO without guilt or explanation for the things I cannot or do not want to do. Once I made that choice, I genuinely felt a weight lift from my life, and I truly think you will too.
Check in this week for travel tips on visiting one of my favorite cities, Cordoba. Also, in the spirit of graduation season, I’ll be sharing an interview with my friend, Courtney Abraham, Global Head of Talent Strategy and Development at the Adecco Group.