We have a family motto - “We are builders, not breakers.” I’ve said this so many times to our children that I’ve heard them throw it out at a group of friends during a disagreement. I’ve watched our four-year old shout it at her friends on the playground when they’re being unruly and at her big sister when they fight.
Last September, our eldest daughter turned eight. She wanted to have a science party to celebrate. With the help of some friends, and my awesome husband, we hosted a party to remember.
The party was wonderful. We had monogrammed lab coats, safety goggles, notebooks to record their findings, an experiment with slime, an experiment about solids and liquids, and old faithful - the Mentos and Coke experiment. When the girls were done their structured experiments, they had free experimenting for almost an hour. It was so amazing to watch.
If you’ve ever hung out with a group of seven and eight-year old girls, you’ll understand why I felt that it was so important to repeat our family mantra at the beginning of the party, and throughout. I’ve been to so many drama-filled playdates and birthday parties, I’ve lost count. I was determined that this party would be as drama free as possible, and I have to tell you, there was none.
The girls were engaged. They really heard me when I said not to be a breaker, and to be a builder. I heard them repeat it to one another when they were doing their experiments. It was absolutely awesome.
When the girls sat down in their group at the end of the party, and their parents arrived, their parents walked in to a room of girls discussing their experiments and conclusions thoughtfully. The girls really listened and supported one another, and five months later, my heart is still so full and proud when I think of them and their behavior that day. They were the ultimate builders.
Lately, I feel as if we adults could use a gentle reminder that we need to be builders, and not breakers. Whether you’re trying something new, collaborating with someone, teaching, or even just being a friend or partner, it’s so important to remember the affect your words and actions have on the people around you. I’ve had to learn that it’s okay to distance myself, or walk away from people that break me down. It’s more than okay. It’s a lesson I want my girls to see in how I live my life, so that they don’t break others down. Life is hard enough. Relationships are work. Be a builder, not a breaker.